We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
