The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I want is dick and wine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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