yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
