he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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