I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
