my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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