I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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