Im at strip club and am horny
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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