good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
