He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
