we have pet lesbian snakes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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