If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
