Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
