Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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