wakey wakey hands off snakey
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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