i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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