you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
