that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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