I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
