And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
did you just send me my own nude
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
