She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
