I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
