Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pants are for mortals
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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