Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So much rum. So many feels.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
