Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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