We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
