who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
