Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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