it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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