I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
