she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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