I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
