my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
