I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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