Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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