First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
