My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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