Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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