Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
