Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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