sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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