I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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