so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
