The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
