so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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