sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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