i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
