Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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