Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
