Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
