the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
