I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
