if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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