I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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