This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
