they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
