Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
