I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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