I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
