I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
