the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
