What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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