I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
