i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
