Me too!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
