closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
